How do we break agreements that we have made with ourselves? How do we shed the beliefs and values that have been ingrained in us since we were born, shared from our parents and shaped by society? Are we able to let go of the agreements that no longer serve us on our current path?
I have been exploring and playing with these questions in my life. I was first introduced to this idea through Nia’s practice of ‘Energy Allies’, which are based on ‘The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz. When reading the book I started to gain an understanding of what agreements were and develop an awareness of some of the ones that I have made with myself. I found that I was strongly influenced by agreements connected to body image and self worth. Agreements such as ‘being healthy means not being in a larger body’, ‘if I want to loose weight I need to go on a diet or focus on ‘healthy eating’’, and ‘no one is going to want to date a chubby girl’. These are all agreements that I had created and believed to be true to me, and even though I was unaware at the time I created them, they were shaping the way I saw myself, and the world around me.
The good news I’ve discovered is that these agreements can be broken. In the case of my agreements with my body image, I am slowly removing the ones that no longer serve me, instead replacing them with what I now believe to be true to me. This has not been an easy or quick path. It has taken awareness, understanding, compassion towards myself, and support from others.
Four years ago, when I looked in the mirror all I saw was a fat person looking back at me. I didn’t believe that anyone could see me for who I really was, and had almost given up hope of that ever changing. I remember hearing things like “you need to love yourself before you can love another” and thinking what a load of crock, that is just a saying some hippy wrote while in a happy place, and it just happened to catch on.
So that was where my mindset was, making up stories and following agreements about being fat. Thankfully, I received an amazing agreement-breaking gift, for me it was the practice of Nia. I say practice for good reason, as it takes practice and is not an over night quick fix; self healing has its own natural time.
By allowing myself to deeply connect with my body and embrace the principles of Nia, I have started to shift my agreements with body image and self worth. So much so, that now when I look in the mirror, I actually do love what I see. I find myself smiling when I look at my body, and more importantly I see more then just my physical being, I see all of ME.
In no way have I shifted all my agreements, there are still many that are deeply interwoven into my fabric. Nevertheless, I now know that it is possible to make new ones and break old habits. It simply starts with becoming aware. By compassionately allowing myself to recognise the agreements I have made, and then consciously allowing myself to create new ones that align with what I believe to be real and true to me, NOW.
May you kindly allow yourself to bring awareness to the agreements, beliefs and values you have in your life. Remember to be gentle with yourself, as all these agreements served a purpose at some point. So thank them and, if they no longer serve you, let them go.
With Joy
Lisa Silverstone 